I'm giving up.
I'm scared to death.
I'm losing it.
My head constatly hurts.
And my stomach is in knots.
"And she still wonders why I'm so insecure..she giggles because I sleep with a body pillow" - atmosphere
.I don't know.
My other job is pretty decent.
Mitch is home for a week.
I'm still feeling really sick.
Yesterday I was driving and randomly got a bloody nose for the second time ever in my life..
I havnt drawn or painted anything in about 6 days..I almost don't know if I care anymore..
I want to.
But I don't know..
I don't really know how to "spice" it up I guess..
I can't stop thinking about you.
Amish you a lot.
...I've had a string of bad luck lately..hopefully it'll get better..I'm still laid off..which sucks because I'm starting to realise that a trip in may to see jen is probly not gonna happen..I'm still trying to see if I can do something an make it happen..but I don't know..
I hope I can go..i
I wish there was something I could do.
I can't stop thinking about it..
Lately I've been buying things and surrounding myself with things that remind me of it..
I miss it all..
Every little thing..
It was me at my happiest.
I wanna return to that..
I can't help but feel miserable.
I still feel that its worth it..
|fuck my life
|can you still feel the butterflies?|
I still am having a really hard time falling asleep at night...it seems like I jus lay there for hours with the tv off and whaever and I jus sit there with my eyes closed or ill stare up at my ceiling hopeing that my eyelids will start to feel heavy and jus fall down soi I can go to sleep..but it doesn't seem to happen until maybe an hour or 2 before I get up..
I've been trying to keep busy with drawing and painting to keep my mind off the grocery list of problems I have..but its not really working..
I need money..(who doesn't right?)
..I'm scared my phone might get shut off soon..
I'm still laid off from ups..and I'm still only work maybe 10 hours a week at little caesars and there still refusing me more hours..yet he can hire new employees jus because they are young teenage girls..I'm supposed to start at a new job..but the manager who's hiring me never answers my phone calls and never calls me back and lets me know what's going on..so I feel like this is jus a big game someones playing on me..
With the lack of work I have I don't have any sort of income..my bills are piling up and it sucks..because i was so close to catching myself up with them..
I just wanna go to sleep and wake up very very far away from all of this..but I can't fall asleep so I don't see that happening right now..
But I feel like there's something wrong..